


Running on Empty

by yuushinos



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: ADHD, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Eating Disorders, Female Pronouns for Narukami Arashi, Gen, Mitsuru centric, but also kinda... peaceful?, kind of a vent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 19:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuushinos/pseuds/yuushinos
Summary: Mitsuru's brain doesn't work right. It never has and it never will.//basically a bunch of loose vents where mitsuru has a fucked brain but he finds ways to handle it, sometimes alone, sometimes with others help//





	Running on Empty

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so im sorry to make mitsuru, my sweet sunshine boy, suffer but hes got such strong adhd energy and like... it might seem like an odd thing to vent abt if u dont have adhd but sometimes i feel so suffocated by it that just yeah. and then he also got my fucked up eating bc one brain fuck up wasnt enough!!
> 
> ADDITION: this was about to expire, i wrote it a month ago and idk if ill continue it or keep this up but. i was honestly too invested in this first chapter to not at least put it out there for a bit. i am feeling generally better now but i still think theres more things i could explore using this story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> additional warnings for chapter 1: mitsu gives up on fighting his adhd. its not as bad as that sounds but uh... if youre very attached to the idea of like... fighting and idk recovering from a mental illness?? this might frustrate or anger you.

Mitsuru’s brain doesn’t work right.

     It never has, even as a kid he didn’t understand how his classmates could sit, be still, quietly work for however long they were asked to.

Mitsuru would try, he would always try.

     He wanted to be normal, to do what everyone else could. Not just to fit in, it looked… fun? Interesting maybe. But mostly, it seemed worth it, to be able to sit and do work in one attempt.

So he tried.

     And failed.

Again, and again, and again.

     He couldn’t last. His brain would wander off, with his body sure to follow.

He never gives up, because he’s not supposed to do that. Practice is supposed to make perfect, and if he quits that means he hasn’t tried hard enough.

So… he never gives up.

     But it never gets any easier.

     His brain never fixes itself.

     He struggles and pushes as best as he can, but it’s like running underwater, sluggish and weighed down.

He still never gives up.

     He tries, tries to find a way around it, tries to make his brain work- even if it’s not as good as everyone else’s, maybe he can surpass himself.

He can’t give up.

     Giving up means admitting he’s unfixable. Giving up means he’ll never escape this. Giving up means he’ll always be behind where he should be, unable to catch up.

He doesn’t want to give up.

     But his brain has never had any kind of stamina. He could run for hours, but his thoughts couldn’t.

_That’s what’s wrong with him, what’s broken._

**How can he keep hoping when it’s hopeless?**

“I’m not dumb.”

     He isn’t. His brain is broken but it’s not his fault. He can’t even blame himself, anyone. His brain is the problem, it always has been, and there’s no way to fix it.

He thinks he’ll feel more pain. He’s tired but he always has been. That’s it.

     He gives up on fighting, and finally there’s peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmm please don't attack me for that ending... i honestly feel much more at peace with myself thinking this way. i gave up fighting because there was never a battle to begin with. giving up doesnt mean youre not trying  
> anyways idk when the next chapterll be posted. its basically finished but im not really feeling it so i might edit it or post a different chapter next.

**Author's Note:**

> so far this has been cathartic. hope someone'll feel the same way. idk when chapter 2 'll come out, it like mostly done but i wanna edit it an stuff


End file.
